i'm sooo over birthday celebrations ... or so i thought.
unlike most women i know, i announce my age proudly. when people ask me the number of years i've been in existence, i would inform every guest who cared to listen to my age. yesterday, i turned 34. there was no party.... yet. but i felt so light-hearted, happy and contented. and what made my life extra special now? i think i'm over the littlest hang-ups i ever had.
years ago, i was so pessimistic. i focused more on the possible negative outcome of my plans, rather than the good stuff that it might bring. i was very afraid of failure that there was a time when i was scared of my own shadow. now, i openly accept every possibility. and the cardinal rule that i live with: in times of failure, just think that that too shall pass.
years ago, i thought of having the world and the people in it owe me a number things. i felt so dissatisfied. disappointment came one after the other, if not altogether. now i know that the world and the people in it don't owe me a cent. my triumph is shared by people i know, but my failure is my own responsibility. i am responsible to who i am and who i want to be. not even chains of failures could break my spirit. as they say, failure is success turned upside down. anyway, it's just a matter of perception.
years ago, i longed for some people's appreciation. i pressured myself to come up with new things that would make them love me more. i patterned my life to some nuances that i thought would make them proud. i was too tired then. i did not enjoy whatever little success i had. by that time that i was supposed to cherish the moment, i was thinking of how to make them happier. i was living someone's life. now i am at peace with myself. i am proud of whatever improvements i have made in my life. i still admire them though, but i respect myself more now.
years ago, it was enough for me to have a "passable life". it was enough that my husband and i have work, and my kids go to school. now i know i can do more and help other people in the process. i wish to come up with a foundation and a school for poor and talented kids someday. yes, i can now say that i'm an improved person.... but i know i can exceed the limitations.
it's time for a celebration indeed. i may be in my 30's now, but i want to party like never before. there's a new strength in me. a new dash of hope. a new set of expectations. there's this new-found abundance of love. for those who remembered, thank you! for the record, i got 979 text messages yesterday and 534 personal greetings and posts in my friendster, facebook and tagged accounts. not bad for my 34 years of existence. again, i'm truly grateful.
hey! it's funny but true. i found my happiness.... it's just around the corner.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
starstruck
i don't get starstruck so easily. even if the subject is that goodlooking, interesting, and accomplished, i would take it upon myself to think of what those people who already hate me might say. if this does not stop the rush of adrenaline i'm feeling, i would think of my kids' reaction. haha. i just can imagine myrnaloi and nico looking at me in disgust coupled with their pang-asar smirk. if that does not stop the teen-ager tweety in me, i would simply act as dead pan as possible and let out a loud cry infront of my hubby parl afterwards.
these resolutions i threw uncaringly last week. i was in a meeting with my brother lex and one common friend. while waiting for the program to start and trying real hard to wake up due to an after-meal drowsiness, my gaze focused on this individual. he was a bundle of ironies: a beautiful creation with a super sharp tongue, a foreign-laced specimen with a magical ilonggo twang, a "jologs" porma that wrapped itself around a 140plus IQ-ed human being. heck! i couldn't let my mind wander away from him. and i called parl as soon as i found out who he really was. let's just call him X.
well the guy was popular in UP, no doubt about that. he was known for his liberal views. i can only describe him that far. hahaha. kakaawa naman ako pag nalaman niya how i "worship" him.
as the first day was about to come to a close, i decided to do some stretching outside the room. on my way out, i met atty diaz, senator noy's COS (chief-of-staff) . we were discussing my referral to them two days ago. he was asking me why i did not even drop by the senate. then the topic shifted to noy's girlfriend. i asked him if noy is up and about to introducing her to the world. i knew back then the guy was in love. anyways, atty told me to watch the DEAL OR NO DEAL episode come feb. 13. it was noy's turn to play, and my brother junjun's time to act as one of his "advisers."
out of nowhere, X appeared. you can just imagine me looking like an idiot. i was smiling during the entire conversation! atty left us, which until now keeps me guessing on how he eased his way out of our talk, and we had no choice but continue with the topic. he gave me the feeling that he knew me. i was thinking, ah, now i know how it feels to be in oblivion. i have been guilty of making someone feel i know him even if i honestly don't for fear of being rude. having this in mind, i just went on talking, unabashedly enjoying every minute of it. and looking more like my daughter's puppy while hanging on to every word X said. suddenly, i felt my phone vibrate. so i introduced myself to him before making the excuse of taking the call. i was shocked with his response, "Yes, i know but si Junjun ang ka-batch ko." i almost didn't make it going out of the room. i felt like a fan.
on second thought... who cares?! at least he recognized me. sige na nga, another confession. on the second day, i had a souvenir photo taken with him. hahaha. kabaduyan to the highest level.
these resolutions i threw uncaringly last week. i was in a meeting with my brother lex and one common friend. while waiting for the program to start and trying real hard to wake up due to an after-meal drowsiness, my gaze focused on this individual. he was a bundle of ironies: a beautiful creation with a super sharp tongue, a foreign-laced specimen with a magical ilonggo twang, a "jologs" porma that wrapped itself around a 140plus IQ-ed human being. heck! i couldn't let my mind wander away from him. and i called parl as soon as i found out who he really was. let's just call him X.
well the guy was popular in UP, no doubt about that. he was known for his liberal views. i can only describe him that far. hahaha. kakaawa naman ako pag nalaman niya how i "worship" him.
as the first day was about to come to a close, i decided to do some stretching outside the room. on my way out, i met atty diaz, senator noy's COS (chief-of-staff) . we were discussing my referral to them two days ago. he was asking me why i did not even drop by the senate. then the topic shifted to noy's girlfriend. i asked him if noy is up and about to introducing her to the world. i knew back then the guy was in love. anyways, atty told me to watch the DEAL OR NO DEAL episode come feb. 13. it was noy's turn to play, and my brother junjun's time to act as one of his "advisers."
out of nowhere, X appeared. you can just imagine me looking like an idiot. i was smiling during the entire conversation! atty left us, which until now keeps me guessing on how he eased his way out of our talk, and we had no choice but continue with the topic. he gave me the feeling that he knew me. i was thinking, ah, now i know how it feels to be in oblivion. i have been guilty of making someone feel i know him even if i honestly don't for fear of being rude. having this in mind, i just went on talking, unabashedly enjoying every minute of it. and looking more like my daughter's puppy while hanging on to every word X said. suddenly, i felt my phone vibrate. so i introduced myself to him before making the excuse of taking the call. i was shocked with his response, "Yes, i know but si Junjun ang ka-batch ko." i almost didn't make it going out of the room. i felt like a fan.
on second thought... who cares?! at least he recognized me. sige na nga, another confession. on the second day, i had a souvenir photo taken with him. hahaha. kabaduyan to the highest level.
my daughter myrnaloi
i was looking at my little girl last night. i just couldn't get enough of her. she looks so much like her father but she's the mini-me when it comes to her total package. she has straight, shiny, long hair. whereas i couldn't live without rebonding. she has the total mestiza features minus the color. whereas i got the color but not the mestiza feature. sayang! she plays biatchiness to a T. with that alone, she is soooo me.
she idolizes her father as much as i do mine. she thinks of him first when being asked who her fave is. she snuggles to him everytime we are on a trip. she admits to not being able to sleep without her tatay by her side. she puts up her defenses for him everytime we get into argument. and do i feel jealous? no, not a bit. i am confident that i can change her views in a minute. how? by telling her to just imagine how many baby alive i could give her with my plastic.
one time i was so pikon with parl i had to tell him to get lost. when in the afternoon he complained of high fever that got me into panic. he told me with some tinge of tampo not to worry because i would love to do away with him anyway. i smiled and answered casually, "siguro before, but not now."lo and behold, his little keeper butted in from nowhere: "tay, nanay would love that! she has _______ (referring to a very good friend Parl has nothing to do with except think of him only when it comes to project proposal) anyway!". oh, i think i have to upgrade my silver card to gold!
i have always loved those kikay stuff but since i don't think i can give justice to them, i passed this porma obsession on her. and mind you, she loves it! she can come out with those cute poses effortlessly . but i realized not to push her with it when she was busy playing with friends and with some boy classmates... until it was too late. i just got back from my trip. i was sooo excited with the dresses, blouses and pants i bought her that i made her kulit to try them on. she told me to put the things "somewhere near the bed,"when i insisted that she put it on so i could ask someone to ship and change them if ever anything did not suit her well. she just ignored me that i continued to blabber about her weight gain when she grabbed me by the hand and led me to our room. she then slowly closed the door and whispered, "nay, stop embarrassing me."oh my! and she is only 7 years old! i know i could learn a lot from her. Fifteen years from now, i bet i could claim to be a magna cum laude.... a dream that slipped away when i was too busy with faces, harlequin and euphoria during my college days.
she idolizes her father as much as i do mine. she thinks of him first when being asked who her fave is. she snuggles to him everytime we are on a trip. she admits to not being able to sleep without her tatay by her side. she puts up her defenses for him everytime we get into argument. and do i feel jealous? no, not a bit. i am confident that i can change her views in a minute. how? by telling her to just imagine how many baby alive i could give her with my plastic.
one time i was so pikon with parl i had to tell him to get lost. when in the afternoon he complained of high fever that got me into panic. he told me with some tinge of tampo not to worry because i would love to do away with him anyway. i smiled and answered casually, "siguro before, but not now."lo and behold, his little keeper butted in from nowhere: "tay, nanay would love that! she has _______ (referring to a very good friend Parl has nothing to do with except think of him only when it comes to project proposal) anyway!". oh, i think i have to upgrade my silver card to gold!
i have always loved those kikay stuff but since i don't think i can give justice to them, i passed this porma obsession on her. and mind you, she loves it! she can come out with those cute poses effortlessly . but i realized not to push her with it when she was busy playing with friends and with some boy classmates... until it was too late. i just got back from my trip. i was sooo excited with the dresses, blouses and pants i bought her that i made her kulit to try them on. she told me to put the things "somewhere near the bed,"when i insisted that she put it on so i could ask someone to ship and change them if ever anything did not suit her well. she just ignored me that i continued to blabber about her weight gain when she grabbed me by the hand and led me to our room. she then slowly closed the door and whispered, "nay, stop embarrassing me."oh my! and she is only 7 years old! i know i could learn a lot from her. Fifteen years from now, i bet i could claim to be a magna cum laude.... a dream that slipped away when i was too busy with faces, harlequin and euphoria during my college days.
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