Friday, March 6, 2009

happiness is just around the corner

i'm sooo over birthday celebrations ... or so i thought.

unlike most women i know, i announce my age proudly. when people ask me the number of years i've been in existence, i would inform every guest who cared to listen to my age. yesterday, i turned 34. there was no party.... yet. but i felt so light-hearted, happy and contented. and what made my life extra special now? i think i'm over the littlest hang-ups i ever had.

years ago, i was so pessimistic. i focused more on the possible negative outcome of my plans, rather than the good stuff that it might bring. i was very afraid of failure that there was a time when i was scared of my own shadow. now, i openly accept every possibility. and the cardinal rule that i live with: in times of failure, just think that that too shall pass.

years ago, i thought of having the world and the people in it owe me a number things. i felt so dissatisfied. disappointment came one after the other, if not altogether. now i know that the world and the people in it don't owe me a cent. my triumph is shared by people i know, but my failure is my own responsibility. i am responsible to who i am and who i want to be. not even chains of failures could break my spirit. as they say, failure is success turned upside down. anyway, it's just a matter of perception.

years ago, i longed for some people's appreciation. i pressured myself to come up with new things that would make them love me more. i patterned my life to some nuances that i thought would make them proud. i was too tired then. i did not enjoy whatever little success i had. by that time that i was supposed to cherish the moment, i was thinking of how to make them happier. i was living someone's life. now i am at peace with myself. i am proud of whatever improvements i have made in my life. i still admire them though, but i respect myself more now.

years ago, it was enough for me to have a "passable life". it was enough that my husband and i have work, and my kids go to school. now i know i can do more and help other people in the process. i wish to come up with a foundation and a school for poor and talented kids someday. yes, i can now say that i'm an improved person.... but i know i can exceed the limitations.

it's time for a celebration indeed. i may be in my 30's now, but i want to party like never before. there's a new strength in me. a new dash of hope. a new set of expectations. there's this new-found abundance of love. for those who remembered, thank you! for the record, i got 979 text messages yesterday and 534 personal greetings and posts in my friendster, facebook and tagged accounts. not bad for my 34 years of existence. again, i'm truly grateful.

hey! it's funny but true. i found my happiness.... it's just around the corner.